The Permission Slip You Need

​Divorce is a fire. It burns away a life you knew and an identity you held, leaving you standing in the unfamiliar territory of a new beginning. In this territory, you might not recognize the man in the mirror. You might do things, feel things, or want things that seem completely out of character.

​The world will tell you to "get back on your feet." But what if your feet want to walk a path you've never seen before? What if they just want to stand still for a while?

This is where grace comes in. Not grace from others, but grace for yourself. It’s the permission to be messy, to explore, to rest, and to rediscover who you are now.

The Two Paths of Rediscovery

​During this time, men often find themselves on one of two seemingly opposite paths. See if you recognize yourself here.

​1. The Explorer

​This is the man who dives headfirst into his newfound freedom. He's trying the CrossFit gym he never had time for. He’s saying yes to dates with people who aren't his "type." He might join a book club, a hiking group, or start a new hobby he’s always put off. To an outsider, it might look like he’s running from his pain.

The Reality: This exploration is not an escape; it's a recalibration. You are gathering new data on yourself. Every new experience, conversation, and activity is a way of asking, "Is this part of me? Who am I without the 'we'?" This is a necessary part of rebuilding your identity.

2. The Monk

​This is the man who retreats. His social calendar is empty. His diet consists of whatever is easiest to order in. The couch and a streaming service have become his closest companions. He might feel lazy or unproductive, like he’s letting himself go.

The Reality: This retreat is not weakness; it's recovery. A battle has just been fought. As the Stoics teach, we don't control what happens to us, but we can control our response. Sometimes, the strongest response is strategic inaction. This season of quiet is where you process, heal, and conserve energy. The Bible speaks of seasons for a reason; there is a time to plant and a time to let the field lie fallow. This is your fallow season.

Your Path Forward

​Whether you’re an Explorer, a Monk, or bouncing between the two, the principle is the same: grant yourself grace. Your journey doesn't have to look like anyone else's, and it doesn't have to be linear. You are not broken; you are being rebuilt.

Here are two ways to apply this grace today:

Reframe Judgment into Curiosity. When you do something that feels "off," instead of judging it ("I shouldn't have stayed out so late"), get curious ("What did I need in that moment? Connection? A distraction?"). Curiosity leads to self-awareness, while judgment leads to shame.

Embrace the Sabbath of Healing. Intentionally schedule time to do nothing productive. Put "Rest" in your calendar. Treat this time with the same respect you'd give a business meeting. Protecting your recovery is one of the most productive things you can do for your future.

You are not the man you were, and you are not yet the man you will be. You are in the space between. Be patient here. Be gracious. You are okay, and you are going to be more than fine.